Before...

Tonight I find myself stumbling upon some old videos of me. BAD IDEA. I immediatly start crying. It comes spilling out as I look at me and all of my siblings playing soccer in my front yard as if nothing could ever make us mad at eachother. I was so happy. And it's sad because i don't even remember it. All I have is the videos. When i was young, i was always wishing I could grow up faster. I thought life would be better if I had more freedom. If I would have known what was in store for me and my family, i wouldn't even fathom the thought of wanting that. If i knew that I would lose everything that i had, i would NEVER want to grow up. Now, i just want it all back. Even if its for a day, an hour, a minute.....I would give up everything I have now, to try to live my childhood again. And this time, it would turn out alright.

I miss it. My parents are constantly doing things to change our house, I HATE IT. Everything that they change, is taking away memories that i have. I miss our ugly miscolored rug in our living room, and our freezing leather couches with boogars plastered all over the side from my little brother. I miss the woodstove, and the old barn in my backyard. And our ugly stone driveway. And our little blow up pool.
Everything was worn down, and that was how i liked it. It was ME. My childhood. And now its gone.

Everything.
Gone.
Just like that.