plain&simple.

I've decided i'm going to start blogging at the end of each day. So let me tell you a little about my day.

I opened my eyes this morning at 7:30 AM and drug myself down the stairs and proceeded to make a cup of coffee. Then i sat at the computer, contemplating whether or not i should write something. I decided not to, so i finished my coffee, and headed up stairs. It was an early morning for all of us. We left the house at 9:00 and headed to 'Golds gym'. I took my second spin class and my legs felt like jello. I was so angry, "do it for jaiden" i kept repeating in my head. I wanted to see him, and it made me livid that i can't. So i kept on pushing as hard as I could. And I didn't feel any better afterwards. So i drug my feet into Wegmans with my family (even though i didn't want to, i'd rather do that than make a scene.) and shopped around for stuff for a cookout. Then, an hour or so later, we headed home. Meghan and her boyfriend were already sitting in the driveway when we arrived. We went swimming and it was alright I guess. It's just not the same anymore. I'm constantly struggling to look at the so-called 'bright side' of things... but I just can't seem to find it. I want to believe that my medicine is working, but deep down i know, medicine isn't going to fix me. The only person who can fix me is dead now. So, i went down with him. I miss my uncle so much. I think about him everyday. And its so sad because he didn't deserve this.

On a brighter note. I sit here now, and realize it could've been me, or my dad,mom,brother, whatever. Although it was almost unbearable to see my family fall apart from the death of my uncle, seeing my life fall apart would bring me down hard.

Do you ever get so tired that it feels like your eyes are glued together and you have to try really hard to open them? Thats how I feel. But i know if i go lay down, i won't fall asleep. There's too much to think about. Too much to stress over. I can't just be at peace. It's not that simple for me. I mean, i don't have a terrible life...but it could be atleast 3 times better.

"Sometimes your weakness' are your greatest strengths."

I am 15 years old & I was diagnosed with Trichollatomania, Depression, Mood Disorder, Panic Disorder, OCD, and Seperation Anxiety. Not to mention scoliosis, adhd, ect. But all of that is what makes me............me. I am not bald, but i wear a wig. The top of my head is brush cut, while the bottom is beautiful brown/auburn and curly. Its almost past my shoulders. I am the only one in my school that wears a wig. I get picked on almost daily. I wish they'd understand what it's like to have this. I am different.

I chose not to have friends, simply because it just makes my life easier.
Less drama, less fighting, less harassment, less stress.

I chose to be mouthy because I feel like my large mouth makes up for my small size.
I'm starting to learn that this is my life, and it's not going to change.

I am me.
Plain & Simple.