there's no time for someone to save me.

Hello, Depression. How nice of you to visit me again.

Somehow, my life has spontaniously been flip-turned upside down. Everything seems backwards. I no longer attend Williamson High School. I attend Williamson Alternative High School. And I attend it with some of the craziest people I know. <3 But I've been starting to realize... maybe leaving High School wasn't enough? What if it wasn't quite enough to save myself.

I packed my bags again. I walked out my front door, and realized that I can't run away. I will NEVER be able to escape myself. The thought of that horrifies me. My mind is incredibly dangerous when i'm left alone. If I dissapeared, would anyone notice? Or would I just be another misunderstooden soul that silently faded into the darkness. I certainly hope for the best. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm stuck between being scared and not knowing. I'm stuck between the 'why's' and the 'what if's'.

My life is a joke. Pathetic. If I was someone other than myself, i would laugh at the thought of me. Sickening. Dull. Empty. I JUST WANT TO BE FREE. Sometimes I just wish this world would sink in the sea. I've been thinking of my little brother alot lately. I'm terrified for him. I know he has a mind of his own, but he is still developing a sense of right and wrong. I hope he ends up the opposite of me. I would never want him to go through what i have. The thought of that breaks my heart. My little brother means the world to me. If anything ever happened to him, I could never deal with it. If he ever left this earth, god forbid, i would probably try to leave to. I can't stand the thought of my life without him.

I want to reach out for help, but at the same time- i'm scared. I'm always scared. I don't know whats wrong with me but i know somethings not right. Actually, i'm not sure if anything is 'right'.
I feel torn apart from limb to limb. I don't know what to do. Help.