things you should know.

I find myself awake at 11:31 on Sunday night.
I feel the need to share some random but important things about myself with you.

#1. I love my family more than anything else in this world, like most people do.

#2. I am obsessed with Elephants- to me, an elephant shows a sign of strength and dignity. My first tattoo will be an elephant on my wrist to represent how important those two things are to me.

#3. I absolutely adore my puppy, Chester Derrick Enright. He is a pomeranian/chihuahua mix. His middle name is my brothers name, another important person to me.

#4. I am absolutely horrified of Clowns. Don't ask why. It has been my greatest fear for as long as I can remember.

#5. Writing is my passion (obviously). Sometimes I find myself with no other way out, so I guess you could say, writing has saved my life more times than I can count.

#6. I never ask for help. I used to always rely on others but that only left me miserable. I refuse to ask for help because to me, it is a sign of my weakness that I refuse to let show.

#7. I have 2 older brothers, 3 older sisters, and 1 little brother. All of which are very dear to my heart, although some of them have gone seperate ways.

#8. I am Portuguese. And I am very proud to be apart of the Meisch/Couto family. I am not ashamed to say that my Great Grandmother was an illegal immigrant from Portugal. Some day, I hope to move to Portugal and live there.

#9. I am a very lost human being. I will never let this be seen. I try to keep myself bound together as tight as I possibly can- but to be honest, I have no idea where I am going in life or what I am going to do. I have no plan. I am just letting life throw things at me and i'm dealing with them as best as I possibly can.

#10. When I was 10, I was diagnosed with a nervous disorder called Trichotillomania. It causes me to pick at my hair. I still have it. I wear a wig, and have been made fun of every day of my life for it since 5th grade. I want more than anything to be like everyone else, although I know I never will. I am more ashamed than anyone will ever know, another thing i will not let show.

#11.I try to be as independent as I can. I hope one day I will be confident in knowing that I can take care of and support myself without help from a man. I do not and never have seen myself with a man for long term or starting a family.

#12. I am extremely creative. Give me a simple assignment and I will go above and beyond to make sure that my creation is nothing like anything you've ever seen.

#13. My brain is always turning, always thinking of possibilities, always hoping, always wondering, always dreaming. That's the best way I can put it.

#14. I over-examine EVERYTHING. I blame it on my paranoia.

#15. I believe in civil disobedience and non-violence. War only makes everything worse. I'm confident with this because I often find myself at War with myself--- I never win.

#16. My other greatest fear (besides clowns) is losing a sibling. I can't even fathom the immensity of the pain I will feel and the thought of it horrifies me. My siblings are my greatest allies and I will fight an army off for any one of them. The love I have for my siblings could withstand the loss of a parent, divorce, and quarrel.

#17. I love god. Two weeks ago my greatest prayer was answered; i know now that miracles do exsist. I thank god EVERYDAY for bringing my big brother back into my life. <3

#18. I don't have many friends. I like it this way. I've always felt content with having fewer friends than greater. Don't ask why.

#19. I believe that there are worlds beyond ours. I believe that there are others out there trying to find a way to get in to our world. I believe that there is a species FAR more intelligent than we can even begin to imagine.

#20. A friend once told me that I am a selfless person. Which I didn't believe at first. Here's a secret, I would rather kill a human being than kill an animal. But I also care more about others more than I care about myself. I can be selfish too, but it's human nature.

It's hard to explain me with words. You really just need to get to know me. Which will be hard to do, but I believe that I am worth every second.