falling apart.

Today's drama: Betrayed by my sister, AGAIN.


My grandfather fell off of a deck last night at 8:30 pm. He was rushed to Strong Hospital. He has a broken back, broken shoulder, broken ribs, and it is yet to be determined if his legs are broken. At first I didn't really care. I thought it wasn't serious. Last night I realized that my grandfather could possibly be paralyzed and then I thought about how my family will never be the same again. I thought about how much I hated my grandfather for all the wrong he has done to me and my little brother throughout our lives- and then I let that hatred go. I stopped harboring my bitterness and I grew up.

Me and my sister were sincerely concerned. We worried about my father- he hasnt talked to him in 2 years and he completely blew it off. I BEGGED my sister to come get me and take me to see him. I offered to pay her 10 dollars for gas, i even offered to drive. She turned me down, like she always does.

Today I asked her if she wanted to go see Grandpa after work. Her reply was "I'm already here."

Fuck you. Seriously. It's so hard to get along with you. It's the little shit like this that you constantly do that pisses me off the most. You wonder why. You constantly disregard my feelings and do what you want anyways. Your the bad guy this time. I would never do that to you.

Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to be a good sibling, a good friend, a good daughter, a good grand daughter, all I do is get shit on by everyone around me.

Today I realized -

I have no family that loves me.

Things will never be the same with Bethany. As much as i'd like them to be. She'll probably always hate me now.

I just want to go somewhere far away.
Far away from here.
Far away from my 'family'
Far away from everyone and everything.


Far away from myself.