50,000 cryin' eyes and their alll mine.

I remember the good times that we once had. But still my life is oh so sad. I try to look forward, but my mind goes back. Because a piece of the glass on our portrait is cracked. I try so hard to protect the glass. I won't let it shatter.Because you and your love, are all that matters. My family means anything to me. But still, everything always gets blamed on me. This happens to Moms

all over the world. We're supposed to be perfect, we learn this as girls. I have never been great
or the "best of Daughters". And, at times I've failed by the things I've done wrong. For those things I am sorry, I didn't want you to cry. But please remember, my eyes are not dry. I hope you can find our love that seems lost. For the mistakes I have made, came at a very high cost.
A piece of my life is missing and gone, and everything feels so lost and so wrong. But, there is one thing that I can do. I will try to be strong, just for you, for Dad, for Robert- for my family. One thing I feel down deep in my heart. It's my love for you, I guess that's a start. Even though you don't deserve it, because your ripping our family apart. Go ahead and leave, if that's what your heart desires. I will be strong. I will take care of my brother. I will take care of myself. And I will take care of Dad. I will take over the mother role. I will do the dishes and laundry. If I have to sacrifice my every need to keep the memory of you alive... to keep this family alive- then i'll do it. But I hope you remember that when your with your new family, that you didn't just cheat Dad. You cheated me. You cheated Robert. and you cheated Danielle. You cheated our family.
Do you ever think of the things I want? If your not sure of whaat those things are. Here's exactly it.


I want my life to be red, with trees, and like Autumn. I'd float away from evil and down towards the healing. Ive become so sad, I feel like i'm trapped in a maze. I'd give my soul to the one who has the courage to find me and free me now. And if I ran out, i'd just be cool like all the vacant

lights, i'd let the thunders take me under, and break my legs tonight.

Whats the point of having legs if you have no one to run to, no one to run to, and to love, and to cry, and to laugh, and to smile, and to be happy, and to remember, and to be scared, and to hate, and to want, and to need. and....


to be free.


I wanna make you happy, but i've fallen. I'm sorry.

I try to run away. But your always underneath my skin, suffocating me. Always taunting me. Torturing me. Reminding me of how much you hate me.


Do you wish I was someone else? Take all you want from me but please don't take my family.

Do you remember a day when I didn't go insane? My heart is a giant vacancy. I am fortunate to have a mother but sometimes I feel like you don't exsist. Your always with him or Dorothy. I've finally realized that I will ALWAYS be put on the back- burner for them. I will always be second best. I am defensless against the people I want to destroy- the people you wish were your family. But I have to give them props. Because they have something that I will never have. Your love and attention. Your desire to make them happy never fails. I wish you felt that way about me, Danielle, Robert, and Dad. I wish your love for us could even begin to compare to your love for them.

One day I'll figure out why you want to leave us so bad. One day i'll figure out why your so cold, so unwanting of me as a child. And when I figure it out, i'll turn my cheek to you. Because I know the truth will hurt. It always does. Living in this house is a pain and heartache that never leaves me.

Sometimes, when your gone, I pretend that this house is mine and that you don't exsist. Maybe it's my way of preparing myself for when you leave.

But when you leave. Please don't try to make me feel sorry for you. Because that is an impossible thought. But once, Alice said she thinks of up to seven impossible things before breakfast. Maybe i'll try.


1. My mother would rather spend time with me than an 80 year old woman and 54 year old man.
2. My mother is selfless, cares for my family, and accepts me and my flaws.
3. My mother cares about my happiness.
4. My mother loves us.
5. My mother is happy in this house.
6. My mother means it when she tells me she loves me.
7. My mother wanted me born.

Is that a sad thought? All because of you, sometimes I wish this city would sink in the sea.
I really don't know how to end this post so i'm just going to say what i feel, if i havent already made it clear.

I miss you. I hate you. I love you. I need you.

I wish you cared about me. I wish you paid attention to me. I wish you wanted to spend time with me. I wish you cared about my safe being. I wish one day you will care about my children.


5 things that i wish for , 5 things i will never have.