Losing my ability to love, to laugh, to smile. Anything positive I'm pretty much losing. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I've already lost it. Sometimes I wonder if I even had it at all. I have nothing left to lose.
My best defense is running away and screaming and learning to hate people that love me. I'm trying so hard to be happy. Why isn't it happening? I've tried everything. I left that school and started new. I made new friends. I began again. I tried so hard to pass my classes and I did. But none of it was good enough. I try to escape this house, this town. But it does no good because ill never be able to escape my mind. Ill never be able to escape myself.
Nobody said life would be easy, but nobody said it'd be this hard. It feels like I'm towing the line. I showed my mom the post I wrote about her. She responded with "that's not true. I'm not a bad person". All I wanted was an "I'm sorry.". That's it. That's simply all I wanted. I want to be loved. Somehow life always steers me wrong.
I don't know where I belong.
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