Dear Dad.

Tomorrow is Fathers Day.

Derrick, Jaiden, Broghan, Meghan, and Nick will inhabit the Enright household.

As soon as I saw you hold your grandson for the first time, I felt myself breathe again. A giant weight was lifted from my shoulders that day. No more War. I wondered if you ever looked at me the way you looked at Jaiden. I wonder if you ever loved me as much. I wonder if you ever loved any of my brothers or sisters as much as you seem to love Jaiden. You are completely infatuated with the 2 year old that seemed to brighten everyone's life to a maximum;; and you hardly even know him. But despite all the circumstances, I'm glad.

All I've ever wanted was to be an Aunt. Being an Aunt has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. Now I finally get the chance. I love you, Jaiden Michael; to the moon & back;; to peices and whole again;; from the soles of my feet to the top of my head.

But this blog post is not about me. It's about you, dad.
I really don't remember a time when we have gone without fighting. People who know you and I tell me we act like brother and sister. You get on my last nerve, and I get on yours. We call eachother names, say things we don't mean, and you take things from me. But if it weren't for you;;- There are many things I wouldn't know how to do.




For example. Riding a bike would seem impossible without you, let alone a fourwheeler.
Mowing the lawn flawlessy would be a giant challenge.
Putting the cups and glasses away on the right shelves would be an obstacle I'd hate to do.
Making people laugh would take too much effort.
Getting mad at inanimate objects and making no sense would seem bizzare.
The thought of popping a wheely would horrify me, let alone doing it for the first time- over and over.
And Loving my family, would seem pointless- but you taught me different than that.


There are things that make us the same, inside and out. These things include;;
Our attempts at making people laugh never seem to fail.
Being a giant douche bag and then laughing at eachother for it.
Our toes.
The way we view the world. Everyone sucks.
Our stubborness, which has caused thousands of quarrels.
And our love for your grandson, and my nephew.

But there are things that, during time, I have adapted to and learned on my own, without you. These things make us far different from eachother.

My love for animals is far greater than the love I have for a human being.
Trying to be the motherly figure to friends in need.
Being enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination, when you have trouble writing your name :)
My love for thousands of types of music.
My determination.


Smash all those things together and you have You and I.
Happy Fathers Day, Dad.
I love you.
No matter what you might think.

Birthday boy.

I can't believe my nephew will be 2 in almost 2 weeks!
I went to K-mart today to pick out some of his stuff- ended up getting several things, but something caught my eye. Does anyone remember those sock monkeys? Well i found a sock panda- and I spruced it up a bit.!


It is supposed to be a symbol of how close to my heart he is. I will be getting more stuff- but i need ideas!

things you should know.

I find myself awake at 11:31 on Sunday night.
I feel the need to share some random but important things about myself with you.

#1. I love my family more than anything else in this world, like most people do.

#2. I am obsessed with Elephants- to me, an elephant shows a sign of strength and dignity. My first tattoo will be an elephant on my wrist to represent how important those two things are to me.

#3. I absolutely adore my puppy, Chester Derrick Enright. He is a pomeranian/chihuahua mix. His middle name is my brothers name, another important person to me.

#4. I am absolutely horrified of Clowns. Don't ask why. It has been my greatest fear for as long as I can remember.

#5. Writing is my passion (obviously). Sometimes I find myself with no other way out, so I guess you could say, writing has saved my life more times than I can count.

#6. I never ask for help. I used to always rely on others but that only left me miserable. I refuse to ask for help because to me, it is a sign of my weakness that I refuse to let show.

#7. I have 2 older brothers, 3 older sisters, and 1 little brother. All of which are very dear to my heart, although some of them have gone seperate ways.

#8. I am Portuguese. And I am very proud to be apart of the Meisch/Couto family. I am not ashamed to say that my Great Grandmother was an illegal immigrant from Portugal. Some day, I hope to move to Portugal and live there.

#9. I am a very lost human being. I will never let this be seen. I try to keep myself bound together as tight as I possibly can- but to be honest, I have no idea where I am going in life or what I am going to do. I have no plan. I am just letting life throw things at me and i'm dealing with them as best as I possibly can.

#10. When I was 10, I was diagnosed with a nervous disorder called Trichotillomania. It causes me to pick at my hair. I still have it. I wear a wig, and have been made fun of every day of my life for it since 5th grade. I want more than anything to be like everyone else, although I know I never will. I am more ashamed than anyone will ever know, another thing i will not let show.

#11.I try to be as independent as I can. I hope one day I will be confident in knowing that I can take care of and support myself without help from a man. I do not and never have seen myself with a man for long term or starting a family.

#12. I am extremely creative. Give me a simple assignment and I will go above and beyond to make sure that my creation is nothing like anything you've ever seen.

#13. My brain is always turning, always thinking of possibilities, always hoping, always wondering, always dreaming. That's the best way I can put it.

#14. I over-examine EVERYTHING. I blame it on my paranoia.

#15. I believe in civil disobedience and non-violence. War only makes everything worse. I'm confident with this because I often find myself at War with myself--- I never win.

#16. My other greatest fear (besides clowns) is losing a sibling. I can't even fathom the immensity of the pain I will feel and the thought of it horrifies me. My siblings are my greatest allies and I will fight an army off for any one of them. The love I have for my siblings could withstand the loss of a parent, divorce, and quarrel.

#17. I love god. Two weeks ago my greatest prayer was answered; i know now that miracles do exsist. I thank god EVERYDAY for bringing my big brother back into my life. <3

#18. I don't have many friends. I like it this way. I've always felt content with having fewer friends than greater. Don't ask why.

#19. I believe that there are worlds beyond ours. I believe that there are others out there trying to find a way to get in to our world. I believe that there is a species FAR more intelligent than we can even begin to imagine.

#20. A friend once told me that I am a selfless person. Which I didn't believe at first. Here's a secret, I would rather kill a human being than kill an animal. But I also care more about others more than I care about myself. I can be selfish too, but it's human nature.

It's hard to explain me with words. You really just need to get to know me. Which will be hard to do, but I believe that I am worth every second.

It's been a while.

Hello. It's been a while since i've written. Good things have been happening to me, it took me some time to write about them because i'm scared if i wrote about them too quickly, they would just dissapear.

I finally got a job at Wegmans, and I got my permit.
So my life is starting to run on it's own track rather than everyone elses.
And it feels kind of.....nice. (knock on wood).

I've started to gain my social life back. Now that I have it back i finally realized how much i truely missed it. And yet, i'm still scared.

My long lost brother, has finally come back to us. Finally come back to my family. The brother who two months ago, i would've given anything to see or talk to one last time. And now that he's back,- oddly, i don't really feel like i've gained anything. I wish my brother would take me into his arms and embrace me and apologize for the lost time- but that will never happen. I'm finding it hard to forget everything that happened and just take him back into my life as if nothing ever happened- he makes it look easy. but time will tell.

The color of the moon doesn't seem the same to me anymore- i've learned to look at the world in different ways than always sad and dark. The world isn't that bad. I've finally realized that maybe the reason I wasn't happy is because I never gave myself the chance to let good come to me. I would push it away every chance I got.


I've realized that i've got plenty to look forward to in life;
- I graduate next year.
-College (Art Academy of San Fransico)
-Spending time with my brothers and sisters.
-Getting to know my nephew, Jaiden Michael.
-Watching my little cousins grow up.
-Having a family of my own, one day.
-Living.

I've got alot I could worry about. But I won't. What's the point? Right?